Life Ongoing

There is a sense of guilt at moving on with my life after the past two weeks of total Haiti focus. I still pray continuously. I still search Facebook daily. I still network for people who have needs and match them with contacts I know who have resources, but I have also started to focus more on my own life and responsibilities.

Recently I was asked to write an article for a magazine. If it had been anything other than the history of my denomination in Haiti I probably would have made the time to do it. It just seemed like such a silly topic right now, almost more divisive than helpful. It didn't matter; they asked a guy who had previously written a book on the subject. I seriously do not care about that. I do care about individuals, peoples' lives and stories, their sorrows and triumphs. I care that the body of a little seven year old boy was pulled from the rubble of the Montana Hotel a couple days ago. I care about his family and friends. I care about the young mother who died at Caribbean Market and left behind children and a husband and many friends who are heart-broken by this loss. I care about all the students, especially high school students, who have had their lives interrupted in a very unfriendly fashion - if they managed to stay alive! I know that they will face long-term consequences from these experiences. There's a lot I really care about.

However, I also care about my junior high students who are trying to resolve their personal dramas, whether it's a new baby unexpectedly coming into the family or a parent who has made horrible choices that have compromised a daughter's emotional well-being. I care about boys who don't want to read but do it anyway because they want to play basketball during lunch break, not sit in my classroom and read. I care about prayerfully finding quality speakers for the junior high chapels so that they aren't boring or aimless but are events that change lives forever. I care about providing my husband with a decent meal and clean clothes, enjoying random moments with friends, hugging a grandchild who is going to be six! I don't want to feel guilty about caring about these things because people are dying in Haiti.

So I think I'm just going to care about everything; I might have less guilt this way. Brian always said, "Dad, you should care!" over and over and over he would say this to his father, just to tease him. And we should care. I do; I care. I know I care because it hurts more than I ever imagined it might. Sigh....