Friday Night. Yes!

I'm so glad it's Friday. I always like Fridays, mostly because I love Saturday mornings spent leisurely beside the fire, but this week I just wanted school to be over! It's been nuts! Satan is determined to snatch our beautiful students away from the faith that has been cultivated in their lives, that they have chosen on their own; Satan is determined to destroy them. That's really what this is all about.

We have fought some pretty big battles this week. Some parents really understood, some thought we were wonderfully compassionate, some thought we were too harsh, and some were worried about their kids' feelings... p-l-e-a-s-e! Really? These kids made decisions that could have cost them their lives and we're supposed to worry that they might feel bad? I love teaching school; I love my students; I believe what I am doing is incredibly important for the future of the world. I really do mean that. But there are times when I wonder why some people are allowed to be parents. Okay... that's really an exaggeration. Actually it's nothing compared to what I just deleted.

When did it become a good idea to sacrifice our children's health and welfare, to say nothing of their spiritual destiny, for wimpy feelings? Do we understand that we need to set our standards high enough so our children have something serious to acquire? Do we comprehend the fact that kids need parameters? Boundaries? Limits? I read a four word phrase that is the new motto for my classroom - "Pursue excellence, not excuses!" And that's it. Now when a student wants to argue with me about something being too hard (whine, whine, whine) I point to the white board and state firmly "No Excuses!" and he quits the whining routine. He knows I mean it. I said he... it's usually a he.... no - it's always a he. Anyway, I'm distracted. It's time to step it up and do the hard thing because it's the right thing, not because it feels good. And if that means my week is tough, then my week is tough. I will not give in and accept mediocrity as the norm. My students will read more, write more, and understand that vivid verbs make life more interesting. I'm so glad it's Friday.

Battles, Who Wants 'Em!!!

Listen, This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the battle is not yours, but God's. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.'

Those were the words we were given before we went to the mission field in 1981. Tonight, after a really stress-filled day for both my husband and myself, I randomly googled the words: a word from the Lord, or something like that, and the title "The Battle is the Lord's" came up. It took me right back to that place, in Kansas City, so many years ago, when we received that very promise. I remember thinking that it was nice that the Lord would do this for us but the rest of the scenario didn't sound like much fun. It wasn't. And lately, life has not been fun.

The Haiti quake was/is so incredibly tragic and difficult. Having lived and served there for so long, there was no way to just read about what was happening and let it go. It had a huge impact on us. And that very sentence sounds so stupidly selfish! But there are those who understand what I mean so I'm just going to leave it there. Lately there have been some things at school, kids and choices and consequences. It's probably true that no matter what decision was reached, someone would have been angry about it but it's awful to feel like we've let people down, especially after trying so hard to seek the Lord's direction and act compassionately, as we really believe Jesus would have responded.

So it all comes back to the battles. Sigh... I guess it's time to get the armor on and get back in the fight. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of fighting; I'd like to see some serious victories for once! I'll keep trusting and praying and yes, even standing firm... for however long it takes... in order to see the deliverance the Lord has for us.

The Fire

I love my house. It's a simple ranch-style rambler that we bought from my husband's mother. It doesn't look anything like it did when they owned it. They painted all the walls bright white because they like light. I do too but I also like color so all the walls had to be painted when we bought it. They had while carpet throughout, except where there was some linoleum in the kitchen. The pad under the carpet must have been used through a couple carpet changes because it was rotten and smelly. We replaced all of it, even replaced the sub-floors under the hardwoods in the hallway, kitchen, and family room and the carpet in one bedroom. We removed three or four layers of wallpaper from several rooms and painted. But probably the coolest thing we did was reface the fireplace. It was painted white brick with a marble slab hearth and no mantle. Very contemporary. We are very "wish we had a log cabin by the lake style" people so this was where we decided to bring in that feeling. We borrowed one of my brother's employees who covered the painted brick with masonry board. Then Jeff, my brother, arranged for a crew of masons to come in and set the cultured field-stone. Another of his friends made our mantle from a thick slab of old oak that he found in his brother's barn. It still has some of the bark around the bottom edge. We added a wrought-iron type fireplace insert and voilà, a gorgeous, rustic fireplace that puts out a ton of heat! It's where we begin our days throughout the fall and winter, and sometimes where we spend our evenings. It's where I am right now and I'm irritated because I have to leave. It's Saturday morning and I'm supposed to be in choir practice in 25 minutes. I'm still in my bathrobe, in front of the fire. I want to stay here. I'm irritated because it's Saturday morning and my tradition is being disturbed. Oh well, I like to sing too, just not as much as I like to sit by the fire with coffee and graze through computer posts, news articles, and my new issue of Cabin Living that just arrived. But as I often tell my junior high students, life is full of doing stuff you don't want to do, so just do it. (I'm usually talking about homework.) So I'd better get dressed and go. Good-bye computer, good-bye Cabin Living, good-bye coffee, good-bye fire... sigh...

He has what???!!!

Today one of my seventh grade students told me her dad has brain cancer. She said it in a rather matter-of-fact way, obviously thinking I already knew. I didn't. I was not happy... how had I missed such a valuable insight into this young girl's life? I thought over the previous semester, hoping I wouldn't remember any emails complaining about anything to her parents, hoping I had not missed a significant cue from her mother while chatting somewhere on a field trip, hoping my evident shock wouldn't hurt this child's feelings. She told me that she thought I knew; she thought everyone knew. There are some things that don't get communicated or when they do, they don't really mean anything because we don't know who the people mentioned are. (Yep, the other junior high teachers didn't know either!) I think that's what must have happened here; we were probably told but since we are on the upper level of the school, we didn't know the student whose father was so sick. She told me this afternoon that she was going home with a friend because her mom was taking her dad for an MRI. He's having seizures. Oh my.... what else don't I know? She is so sweet and young, much too young to imagine what is going to happen if God doesn't intervene. So I have another reason to count my blessings. She and I shared stories about cancer hospitals; she had been in several with her dad and I had become super familiar with one in Texas while my husband received treatment over a five-year period. She talked about the hot chocolate that her mom bought her - that wasn't hot - until she pressed a button on the jar and it heated up! That sounded kind of cool. I mean, if someone can invent something that heats up chocolate milk without a stove, maybe they know how to fix a young father's brain so he can be a part of his daughter's life - or - maybe not. Sadness...

Uneventful... right!

I am ready for an uneventful day, week, month! When was the last time life was uneventful? I usually employ this word when talking about a flight. Someone will ask, "How was your flight?" to which I am always happy to reply "Uneventful!" Then they usually tell me that's the best kind. And I always agree. I don't know about you but I'm ready to slow down, deal with life on a less dramatic level! Teaching junior high is always about drama; I've come to expect that and I can deal with it rather easily. However, there are other things that happen with school, family, just life since that Tuesday five weeks ago... uneventful flew out the window. I think I want it back. So, if anyone finds the uneventful just lying around with no where to go, tell him he's welcome at my house. I'm tired of drama and I'd like to get back to basics... with the uneventful!

The Perfect Evening

I have a completely different way of relaxing from most people I know. Mine involves little kids! If you want to completely forget whatever problems might be weighing you down, hang out with some kids, preferably younger than junior high. There's non-stop drama that comes with junior high.

This week Colton turned six years old. You have no idea how impossible that seems! Although whenever I try to pick him up, I do realize that he really is getting quite big! We had such fun with him tonight, and his sisters, and his parents. We went to Chuck E. Cheese. It was total mayhem; yep - perfect. Noise and kids and laughter and noise and... well, you get the idea. We thought that getting there around 5:30 would help us avoid the crowd. Seems like a couple hundred other people thought the same thing! It was wild! But our kids were so sweet and well-behaved. Once I was trailing Sierra, not realizing that she had no idea I was behind her. When she finally saw me she was quite perturbed and let me know that she "couldn't find me!" Poor baby, she felt lost! Colton has no fear... went from one game to another, would try anything. If someone was with him, fine; if he thought he was on his own, that was no problem either. Kayla was pretty focused on acquiring as many tickets as possible. It helped that the basketball thing freaked out and spit out a ton of tickets! That was fun!

These children force me to refocus and consider the blessings in my life. They are so precious and I am so wealthy with all that matters! Ever since the Haiti quake, Terry and I have used the phrase "Let me put that into perspective for you" (and begin our rant on the conditions in Haiti) anytime anyone feels like complaining about anything. Being around my grandchildren allows me to put things into perspective also. I look at them and see the future; I am totally confident that the world will be a better place because they will be there to shape it. I believe in them, in the young adults who are parenting them, in my loving Heavenly Father who is guiding them. Yep, I think I'll just sit here and contemplate my perfect evening... and be thankful!

Life Ongoing

There is a sense of guilt at moving on with my life after the past two weeks of total Haiti focus. I still pray continuously. I still search Facebook daily. I still network for people who have needs and match them with contacts I know who have resources, but I have also started to focus more on my own life and responsibilities.

Recently I was asked to write an article for a magazine. If it had been anything other than the history of my denomination in Haiti I probably would have made the time to do it. It just seemed like such a silly topic right now, almost more divisive than helpful. It didn't matter; they asked a guy who had previously written a book on the subject. I seriously do not care about that. I do care about individuals, peoples' lives and stories, their sorrows and triumphs. I care that the body of a little seven year old boy was pulled from the rubble of the Montana Hotel a couple days ago. I care about his family and friends. I care about the young mother who died at Caribbean Market and left behind children and a husband and many friends who are heart-broken by this loss. I care about all the students, especially high school students, who have had their lives interrupted in a very unfriendly fashion - if they managed to stay alive! I know that they will face long-term consequences from these experiences. There's a lot I really care about.

However, I also care about my junior high students who are trying to resolve their personal dramas, whether it's a new baby unexpectedly coming into the family or a parent who has made horrible choices that have compromised a daughter's emotional well-being. I care about boys who don't want to read but do it anyway because they want to play basketball during lunch break, not sit in my classroom and read. I care about prayerfully finding quality speakers for the junior high chapels so that they aren't boring or aimless but are events that change lives forever. I care about providing my husband with a decent meal and clean clothes, enjoying random moments with friends, hugging a grandchild who is going to be six! I don't want to feel guilty about caring about these things because people are dying in Haiti.

So I think I'm just going to care about everything; I might have less guilt this way. Brian always said, "Dad, you should care!" over and over and over he would say this to his father, just to tease him. And we should care. I do; I care. I know I care because it hurts more than I ever imagined it might. Sigh....

Need distracting? Call in the grandchildren!

It has been hard for me to tear myself away from the TV and computer. Everything that seems like it might be about Haiti grabs my attention immediately. It's exhausting - and I feel guilty about that. I'm tired from school and I feel terrible because my day hasn't been a tenth as stressful as those who are trying to rebuild in Haiti! Yesterday I really needed a break and it happened... in walked the grandchildren! Kayla (9.5) got into the craft bin almost immediately and began making all kinds of adorable things. I kept digging in my baskets and bins for more ribbon and stickers and other items to help her. Colton (6 -2 weeks) said, "Hi Grandma; where's Grandpa?" They are such buddies! Sierra (2.5) just wanted to cuddle. Saturday morning we i-chatted with Brian, Erin, and Gracie! Our baby granddaughter is growing so quickly. She certainly can talk ~ and in complete sentences that make total sense! Wow! I really miss her! It is good to focus on life, on this next generation that will carry the word of God into our world. Oh how I love my little ones!

Too Tired!

I can tell there's some let-down coming on. I am so very tired. I shut off the television. I love to watch NCIS and HGTV but now, in this post Haiti-quake world, I feel guilty when I watch TV for pleasure. As tired as I am, I think about those in Haiti, the victims, the relief workers, the missionaries and others who live there all the time and are now working around the clock. Their fatigue is immeasurable! The sorrow, the anger, the desperation. God help them! So I will go to bed early (probably wake up at 4!) and fall asleep praying for Haiti and wake up praying for Haiti and go through my day... praying for Haiti. Today, tomorrow, and every day for a very long time. I am grateful that the Lord is with us always - even now - at the end of the age!

On the front lines

I am worried about my friends, ex-patriots who live and serve in Haiti. It's not just their safety or having enough food and water but it is their mental and emotional health that concerns me. Some of these people were over-worked and totally stressed before the quake. I can't imagine how troubled they are now. I hope there will be people who step up and help them get a break out of the country. Even if they just head to the DR and relax at the beach for a long weekend, that might give them the emotional ability to continue. Most of these friends don't have the money to do anything for themselves and the fact that they are in Haiti in the first place speaks to their attitude of self-denial. They wouldn't think of spending money on themselves like that. But I know that a few days of rest would make a huge difference for most of them. It's only been a week. Most of them are working fourteen hour days and seeing things that people just are not prepared to deal with over and over again. This cannot continue, certainly not long-term. And this situation is going to keep demanding attention for a long, long time. God help them! God deliver Haiti!

God, Come Quickly

Why did it take such a tragedy to get me writing my blog again? I had so many good reasons to post before now. I have the finest husband in the world. I have two sons, of whom I am incredibly proud who each had the good sense to marry fabulous women who are the best mothers in the world. I have four grandchildren who are nearly perfect. I'm so glad they aren't because I believe perfection in children is highly overrated! I teach terrific junior high school students who are striving to become responsible leaders in the world that they will inherit from us. I have one high school class, three-quarters of whom I had as 8th graders. It is so fun to see what two years have done to them! It is not as though I haven't had a decent thought in my head over the past year and a half. It's not like I haven't been ready to argue a point, or two or three or more. But here I am, overwhelmed by the sadness in Haiti. Understanding the sense of what this will mean. It means re-creation not simply rebuilding. Will the world stay connected long enough or are we so ADHD that we allow the Golden Globes, Mafia Mania and other stupid things to take over. I've been thinking about Mark 13. Jesus tells us to get ready, that terrible things are going to happen and among those things are the wars (stupidity) and earthquakes (tragedy) and disease (so preventable) and changes in our sun, moon, and stars (environmental issues?). So discouraging, so troubling, so frightening. But he also said THEN HE WILL COME AGAIN. Oh God, come quickly!

My mind; I miss it!

I think I have lost my mind. Ever since Tuesday when the earthquake hit Haiti - a 7.0 in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere... Are you kidding? We lived in Haiti for twelve years, worked there for eighteen. These are people who scrape and labor and work so hard! My dad taught me that if you work hard enough, you will succeed. Dad was usually right, but he never went to Haiti. People work like crazy and still don't have enough to feed their families. And now... an earthquake of Biblical proportions. I am so angry. For pity sake, why? This is so cruel! I have faith, I believe in God, but right now I certainly don't get it. However, if this amount of death and pain is for some reason required of people, who are so poor and broken already by four huge hurricanes just two years ago, then I am ready for an equally major miracle of Biblical proportions!

I guess I do see some miracles. Not just the lives saved from the rubble, but the lives of some of my former students, people of privilege who truly enjoyed their lives in Haiti. They partied and danced and played at the beach. They have plenty of resources, could easily go to Miami or elsewhere to escape this mess but they aren't doing that. They are staying, working amid the rubble to save people, working in the hospitals to translate for doctors as they operate on the suffering. Getting absolutely dirty with the blood and dirt and grime of their broken country. Augh! My God, help Haiti; help my students to rise up, do good things in bad times, and to truly know that you are God. Help Haiti to heal. Help me find my mind... in You.

27 Uninterrupted Hours

We spent 27 uninterrupted hours with our two oldest grandchildren yesterday. As we drove from their house to ours, we stopped for an ice cream cone. It was important to begin the afternoon well! We played hard, made crafts, read books, watched silly movies, went to three parks, had a picnic, took the canoe out on the lake, and enjoyed a wonderful time together. We invited their parents and baby sister over for dinner so they could go home with them. We didn't want to take them back home. (sad face) People always talk about creating memories for children, something that is very important but memories are also essential for grandparents and we thoroughly reveled in making some new ones! Such bliss!

Gracie Blue Ketchum

It has been a year since I have written a word on this page! I have lots of excuses... I went back to teaching full time, junior high language arts - that should get me a pass! I've taken 2 post grad classes, just signed up for the third and will take one more in the fall. I'll be so glad when that's done! I baby sit my beautiful grandchildren every free moment I have - they are already 7 (almost 8!), 4 and 1 year old. Time is flying for me... but something happened today, something wonderful. A new voice sang into the world. Her name is Grace Blue and this evening, June 24th, she was born to my son and daughter-in-law, Brian and Erin. She weighs a hefty 8.5 pounds and is 20" long. We don't have wimpy babies in our family! She will be a force in the world and we are thrilled to have her. We get to be with her for 10 days starting Monday... can't wait! Welcome to your family Gracie B! We love you!

Additional Blessing

My husband and I have had an amazing year. We moved back to the Northwest and have had the opportunity to be near family for the first time in over 25 years. A week ago, we welcomed our new granddaughter, Sierra, into the family. What a blessing to watch the continuity of family and to have the opportunity to make a significant impact on the lives of our incredible grandchildren. We worked hard at raising our sons. We were purposeful, involved, and did our best to let them know that they were thoroughly loved for who they were as individuals, not for who they might become. We are thrilled with the men they have grown up to be and as our older son delights in fatherhood, we are blessed to see what a difference he makes in the lives of his children. We weren't perfect as parents, still aren't, and neither are our boys but we love them so much and we are totally proud of them. Each has chosen a life partner and we dearly love our girls too! We are so blessed. How can we contain such blessing? I guess we don't. Our joy spills over and hopefully encourages someone else in some small way. Tomorrow I get to babysit. I love it! It'll be crazy, non-stop activity and I may be exhausted when mom and dad come home but I'll be smiling, just grinning from ear to ear, because of the amazing privilege to share an additional blessing.... a new little girl. What joy, what wealth, what blessing.

My Grandson Prayed

Our kids came over tonight, rather spur of the moment. It was Kayla's ballet night; they needed to go to the grocery store or eat out. Eating out had greater appeal and they called us to go along. We thought it would be more fun at our house than a restaurant, especially for the grandkids. So they picked up KFC and combined their dinner with our dinner and we sat down at the table, held hands, and three year old Colton prayed. He prayed for our family, he thanked God for the day (in detail), for his food, for having fun, for..... everything. It was amazing! We had never really heard Colton pray before and it was thoughtful, organized, and long! That means he's been paying attention when his dad and mother pray. That means he knows the One he's addressing. That means he's comfortable, talking to Jesus in front of other people. That means he's done this before, many times before. I'm still processing the entire experience. My heart is so full that it aches a bit. I am so blessed. I never adequately imagined what it would be like to experience this continuity of family, of our Christian family. The beauty of it surpasses my words so I'm just going to sit here and enjoy my full, achey heart and I'm going to thank the Lord for the joy I received today because my grandson prayed.

Deep Cleaning

We have an air duct cleaning company here today, cleaning the heat vents, furnace, cold air returns, dryer vent and sanitizing everything. The process involves huge hoses and compressors, lots of noise and quite a bit of cash! We generally keep a clean house but my husband has been changing the furnace filters every month and they keep coming out filthy. We decided we needed to get into the places we couldn't see and clean them out too. And that requires specialists. Life is like that. On the surface our lives appear clean, proper, socially acceptable but deep inside the recesses of our minds and hearts, filth can be hiding. Sometimes it's small stuff, like molds and mildews - like a critical spirit - small stuff but deadly! We need to cleanse our hearts and lives by engaging the Specialist, God Himself and following Romans 12 verses 1 and 2: "So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." (The Message) Once we let God "deep clean" our lives, everything is changed. We will respond differently to people; we will love more freely and accept others without judging them. Isn't it good to know that your life can be really clean, from the inside out? Plus the peace that will come is unsurpassed by anything in this world. It's time to clean house!

My Granddaughter is a Reader!

We babysat the grandchildren tonight and after a few hours of rambunctious play, a movie, bathtime, and the struggle into pjs, it was time for books. We brought two books from home to read to the little ones. Terry went with Colton and I went with Kayla. I set the Christmas book before her and told her that this was really a special story. She begged me to let her read it. I told her that it was a big kid's book and I thought it would be too hard but she wanted to try... and she read... she went on and on... reading page after page. I was dumbfounded; my chin about hit the floor. I've taught school off and on for 30 years and I wasn't ready for this. I had heard Kayla read about 3 weeks ago, and what she did tonight, the incredible progress, was astounding! I was so proud of her. My heart just wanted to burst. Later, as she was preparing her chocolate milk (the final stall tactic before bed) I knelt before her and very seriously told her how proud I was of her and what she could do. The book she read tonight was not a first grader's book. I could tell she was pleased with the compliment but was it enough? I want her to know that she is entering a new world of discovery, beauty, and enlightenment. I want her to know that I think she is amazing for what she has accomplished in such a short time. She is so serious about reading. Her little forehead wrinkles up as she plows through the pages. And she loves it! Oh Lord God, bring teachers into this child's life who will lift her, encourage her, and affirm her abilities. For this little girl, barely six years old, is a true reader and merits the encouragement!

Retreat

My husband and I just returned from a long weekend of complete retreat! We headed to Bainbridge Island via highway 3. It was a gorgeous weekend. One of the highlights was watching an eagle arrive for breakfast each morning. He'd swoop in on the bay and grab a fish from the water then perch on the top of a huge fir and eat. The first morning, an eaglet joined him... although pops wasn't very good about sharing! We also spent several hours at the Bloedel Reserve, an amazing acreage dedicated to personal restoration through nature. Being true to their mission, they even limit the number of people allowed into the reserve, maintaining the sense of tranquility and oneness with the beautiful outdoors. It helped that the sun was shining every minute and that we left the computer at home! I think if I'd relaxed any more, I would have quit breathing. What beauty. And all of this was a gift from our son and daughter-in-law. They are teaching us about taking time to retreat and reconnect. I think I'm a quick study for this life-lesson! I'm ready to go again, anytime! What blessing...

The Voice

I attended a family reunion of sorts this weekend. My mother and I drove 5 hours to Pendleton, Oregon for my cousin's funeral. Three of my four brothers arrived later in the evening. We joined my aunt, cousins, and people we had never met, to mourn the passing of a man who was only 57 years old. I remember him as a child. He told ghost stories, always scaring me half out of my wits so I had to call my mother to take me home. He was dearly loved by his wife, mother, siblings, and daughter, and many others. The Word says we're like the grass, the wind passes over, and we're gone. Gone from this earth but not from life. I've always believed in heaven but as I have aged, heard personal experiences of those who've "almost" left this world for the next, I've become more and more convinced that our souls, our spirits do live on. As I once tried to explain this to my granddaughter, I asked her if she "knew that voice in her head" and her response was a rather intense "yes!" as though a light had been illuminated in her own mind. That voice doesn't change much. The voice in my head is as identifiable to me now in my 50s as it was when I was a young teen. It is more honest that I tend to be. It has real depth and sensitivity. And I am the only one, other than God, who knows that voice. It is mine alone. I do believe that this internal expression of my spirit lives on. As for its future geographical location, that I'm not so sure of. I believe in heaven but I'm not sure where it is. I believe in the gathering of spiritual beings, centered around God: Father, Jesus, the Spirit, united in true worship and fellowship. Each funeral, each passing year, each birth gives me pause to think, to ponder my own existence, purpose, and ultimate destination. In the meantime, we are here on this earth and absolutely everything we do makes a difference. The old "ripples in the pond" analogy is right on point. We have such possibility to love, to build, to nurture, to encourage, to edify those around us. At my cousin's funeral, I commited myself yet again to be one who did all I could to help others and leave a positive influence in this world. I know I am not personally capable of doing this day after day on my own. I need divine guidance and strength that only comes from my relationship with Christ, from His Spirit living life through me. But I have commited myself to that life and I am trusting God to make up for my own inabilities, to make a difference in me, so I can make a difference for others. I wonder what our world would be like if we all made this commitment. Quite different, I'm sure. So I'm listening to the voice in my head that tells me to get moving, to interact with living souls not a computer. So here I go into my world... God help me!